Typically, I would not post complaints (life is too short), but I am feeling the need to put in writing how my former husband has acted in the last 22 months just to clear my mind. As the subject title suggests, he turned his back and had no honor - something that really surprised me.
I wanted a respectful and honest dissolution (now I know that does not exist - there is a reason you are getting divorce, and that was my bad), and 50% of our property and assets (401K)-we were in complete agreement.
He sabotaged the sale of our house (I will not go into detail), then sat on his hands for 12 months to refinance, once the refinance was ready to close I asked for a modfication of our decree that clearly stated that the condo had not sold, therefore I would sign a quit claim deed to take my name off the title as payment (since he could not afford to buy me out he would pay for our daughters college tuition and loans-a very fair trade under the circumstances).
The courts are still sitting on the modification due to a error of filing the incorrect form by the attorney. In the meantime, the bank, title company and Dan were coming down on me - calling, emailing with psuedo threats "if you don't do this, he will loose the refi" "If you don't sign by this certain date he will accue $237 fee every 5 days after the 20th (initially they stated the 27th, when the correct modification was filed on the 16th...I was thinking we had one more week). I did not want him to be charged! and I am fearful, because of the way the attorney was bad mouthing the judge in charge of our modification, the she will deny this modfication and then I would be responsible for a loan if Dan defaulted. Also, I did not want Dan to loose the refi (he was very lucky to be approved as our place; along with many others, is undervalued due to the recession).
I have signed off my interest to the only thing I owned. We used the 401K disbursement to help Dan stay in the condo from September to February while he looked for a job (he lost employment in August).
Now, I am in fear that the courts will not only deny our modification, but will come back with an order for child support (our original decree stated that support would be provided by a $25,000 trust set up in our daughters name once the proceeds of the condo had been disbursed - the sale did not happen, because I realize now, Dan never had any intention of moving because he would not have been able to afford something as nice). I am living as fugile as I can and it is still hard; I know I am not alone.
He has been able to provide for our daughter (I have not, and it's been heartbreaking and damaging to our relationship), and last week he bought her a '95 Mercedes (which includes the insurance and diesel gas expense). I want to help but he has allowed this process to take control and take everything from me-not standing up for me or disagreeing with the decisions made. He has not stood up for me or shown respect for the money I invested from my brother's and grandfather's inheritance towards paying off our debts in the 10's of thousands, and allowing us to move up in property values by paying for a new roof and gas heat in our first home.
Like I started out "you think you know a person..," but the truth is, we really don't know our potential ourselves, so it's better not to blindly trust.
I honestly have to say that, even though I have not traveled the entire country, I have moved to a spectacular place of beauty - both geographically and from a humaness standpoint.
